Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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