I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Its about making memories worth repressing
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she smelled like a LAN party
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
