my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
