We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
