I bet he comes in French.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
