She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
