my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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