Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
