Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
