im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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