I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
