I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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