my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
