how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How does one acquire holy water?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
