i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
