I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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