God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
