she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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