I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
