How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
