Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im holly from the hills drunk
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
