did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
