you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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