Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
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I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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