Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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