In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize