what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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