Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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