oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize