Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
