I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
