listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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