He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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