I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize