If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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