Your dad touched me again.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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