I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
