I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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