i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
