I wish I could teleport
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize