he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
