she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
