There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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