was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
