dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think my mom watched the whole time
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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