you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
