i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
