hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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