we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
