When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
