my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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