Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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