I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
