He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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