it was like his penis was on wheels.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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