The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
