i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
