The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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