Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
