No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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