i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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