she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
