We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
