I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
