im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
