she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
