There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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